We have a cow!

Jersey CalfNo, I’m not quoting Bart Simpson. Our new addition to the smallholding is a pedigree 4 week old Jersey calf called Dimple. As John Seymour says, she should become the cornerstone of the smallholding and in 18 to 20 months she will hopefully start providing all our dairy needs.

Dimple has taken up residence in the old pig sty which is pretty much a calf palace. She was rather skinny when she first arrived as she had been ill when she was younger but she is now putting on weight well and  nibbling on calf nuts and hay as well as her bottle feeds. Being pretty boisterous, she fits in well with the growing Penybanc menagerie!

4 thoughts on “We have a cow!”

  1. Dear Mr/ Mrs Hartley,

    I write with reference to your bovine child, Dimple, who is a member of my under-5s hip-hop dance class at the local comp.

    As you will no doubt be aware, Dimple was sent home from my class early this afternoon in disgrace. As a teacher, my particular reasons for doing so are deliberately opaque. However, a non-exhaustive list of unacceptable personality traits are as follows:

    1) Not shutting the door when requested;
    2) Insufficient hip-hop style;
    3) Not looking me in the eye when I’m speaking to her; and
    3) No rhythm.

    In futher detail:

    (1) Respectfully, I must tell you that I believe that Dimple’s refusal to shut the door when requested is due to her upbringing and so squarely place the blame at your door. I would hope you can work on this with Dimple at home with the addition of cloven-hoofed-pliable handles which can be picked up from my website at reasonable cost (plus postage, packaging, bovine tax and consultation fee).

    (2) Viz. her lack of hip-hop style, although she has made an effort to adopt some bling with the recent addition of a large golden earring, Dimple is still lacking any branding (which kids really go for these days since the X Factor). How does she hope to be in lunchboxes in the future if she continues to refuse to wear either a cap at a jaunty angle or baggy trousers that expose her underwear???! (I never had this problem with Dappy from N-Dubz – and incidentally, Dimple’s hip-hop name probably risks a “passing-off” action from my aforementioned protege).

    (3) As evidenced by her picture above, Dimple also seems unable to willingly look me in the eye when I’m speaking to her. The work experience student we had in from the local young-offenders institute (I find that having an ASBO is more than sufficient qualification for a hip-hop teacher) maintains that this is because she has eyes on the side of her head – but respectfully I think this is bullsh*t (another thing that Dimple seems to be unable to control).

    (4) Finally – and most imporantly – I am afeared that Dimple has no rhythm. Usually, this would be genetic, but I think the cause of this with Dimple is far more straightforward – namely that she is ingesting an incredible amount of grass every day. Normally I would applaud Dimple in being so drug obsessed at such an early stage of her hip-hop development. Notwithstanding, it is affecting her dance moves, her rhythm generally, and in recent days her ability to write lyrics (I confess that Moo does rhyme nicely with Moo, but since Eminem we’ve all moved on a bit now dear).

    As the teacher of countless Bovine hip-hop artists (many of whom have appeared in a Sugababes line-up) I hope you will be assured that my concerns are real and important to take seriously. I look forward to speaking with you at length at the next parents evening.

    Yours faithfully,

    Mr Boleman.

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